


sweet heart

by ciscoscaitlin



Series: ways to say i love you [1]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Candy, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Ways To Say I Love You
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-17
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2019-08-25 04:13:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16654039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ciscoscaitlin/pseuds/ciscoscaitlin
Summary: Cisco’s struggling, and Caitlin finds a completely bizarre way to help him.





	sweet heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MoonlightShines (Thatkillervibe)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thatkillervibe/gifts).



_ **...** _

“Caitlin, you’re staring.”

Caitlin’s cheeks flushed, immediately averting her eyes to her hands resting in her lap, her fingers dotting over the specs of lint.

“I wasn’t staring.”

Cisco snorts, it’s loud and too obnoxious for her taste, but it matched the rest of his attitude for the last month. “Mhmm, sure you weren’t.”

Caitlin glances back up at Cisco and narrows her eyes on the side of his face He was leaned over his desk, carefully tinkering away with a piece of tech she could barely make out, overlooked by a tiny spotlight and magnifying glass. His features were contorted in concentration, completely absorbed by his work and the tight goggles clasped across the back of his head.

“Still staring.”

By now Caitlin’s sure her face is blushing the brightest red imaginable because she can feel her cheeks burning. “I’m not staring!” She denies, her voice raised an octave higher. “just casually observing.”

The tweezers Cisco was holding clatter violently on the desk, he twirls in his chair and lifts his goggles to rest uncomfortably on his forehead.

Caitlin could feel the attitude radiating off him like a furnace.

Cisco folds his arms across his chest, “well, stop, it’s distracting.”

Caitlin frowns, pushing herself up from the chair. “Well, I apologise if my casual observing is distracting you. I’ll just go work in my lab.”

Cisco’s eyes roll to the back of his head, “querido Dios,” he grunts under his breath, “don’t be so dramatic.”

Caitlin visibly flinches, and she has to bite back the harsh retort she can feel bubbling in the back of her throat, because she knew that _this_ was not Cisco. She knew that it was far from the man she loved with all her heart.

Instead she shakes her head, turning on her heel and walked away.

She hated doing that, walking away from him, especially when he needed her the most. But she also knew that he needed his space, to calm himself down from whatever had his emotions in such a knot, before he said something else to her that he would come to regret later.

In the distance, she could hear him calling out her name

_**…** _

For the next few hours things were _tense._

When the team was called to the cortex about some new meta that Joe had an encounter with, Caitlin stands idly by, leaning casually against one of the glass walls. She barely listens and busied herself staring at her boots, her fingers fidgeting with the ends of her sweatshirt.

The moment curiosity gets the best of her, she spares a glance up at Cisco, her lips parting in surprise when she finds him staring right back at her. His facial expression tense, jawline clenched and overall lacking his usual brightness and livelihood. There was no mischievous spark in his eyes, no softness or warmth. Just pure darkness. The only distinctive feature on his face was the heavy bags underneath his eyes, covering the base of his bottom lashes. Bags that indicated lacking of sleep, a symptom she knew very well from the dozens of times he would wake her up in the early hours of the morning, screaming and shaking hysterically. The sweat dripping down his forehead and onto his nightshirt. His eyes wide with terror and tears flowing down his cheeks.

She would hold him tight in her arms, her fingers stroking the strands of his hairs, whispers soothing and comforting words in his ear. This would go on for minutes, sometimes hours, until the shaking would stop and he would eventually drift right back to sleep from the exhaustion.

She knew the blacks bags under his eyes so well because she had them too, but she could disguise them better with concealer. She could also hide the sleep deprivation and insomnia with coffee, lots and lots of coffee.

Cisco, however, was less concerned with his appearance as the nightmares grew more consistent. His wardrobe consisted of baggy sweats and sometimes even pyjamas on his worst days. His hair was greasy and untouched, choosing to pull it back into a low messy half-bun.

She felt _numb,_ because this was a man who expressed his emotions right down to the detail. She could always tell what he feeling through the softness of his eyes. But this, this was unbearable. She could only just stand by and watch as he fell apart, piece by piece.

With their gazes interlocked, she had to resist the urge walk across cortex and hold him tight in her arms, until every last trouble disappeared from his mind.

Instead she sighs, dragging her eyes back down to her shoes.

Something breaks.

Or something is thrown, very violently across the room and landing inches from her feet.

“Cisco, _what the hell?_ ”

She barely has time to react, because when she looks up for a second time, Cisco is retreating from the room, shoulders hunched forward.

Iris stares at her, her plump lips twisted in a thin line and eyebrows quirked up, the investigative journalist wheels turning in her head. “Caitlin, is everything okay?”  

“I-“ Caitlin draws in a breath, not finding the words. “I don’t know.”

Iris’ face softens, her head nodding in understanding. Her eyes communicating a silent _‘we’ll talk later.’_

Barely a minute later Cisco’s footsteps echo in the corridor, and he makes a beeline in her direction, his dark eyes rooted on her face.

Caitlin leans backs against the wall, the palm of her hands outstretched against the glass, holding onto it like a crutch.

“I’m sorry.”

She twitches her left eye, “for throwing your pen at me?” She inquires, her voice careful. She glances down, eyes following the object rolling backwards and forwards near the heel of her boots.

“I was aiming for Ralph,” Cisco defends loudly, enough for Ralph to hear in the background. “I had no the idea the stupid thing would bounce right off his head.”

Ralph yelps a sound of protest, and Caitlin has to muffle the quiet laugh bubbling at the back of her throat with the back of her hand.

“Here,” Cisco gestures to a half empty packet of twizzlers.

Caitlin frowns, “you’re giving me your twizzlers?” She asks slowly, gently taking the packet from his hand.

“Uh, yeah,” Cisco pauses, reaching behind him to rub the back of his neck. “It was the only packet I could find.”

Caitlin squints her eyes, crinkling the plastic with her fingers, “is this from your super secret candy drawer?” She asks, leaning forward to whisper it near his ear.

(Just like in the name, Cisco’s super secret candy drawer was a secret from the rest of the team. Especially when that team consisted of several speedsters and a greedy stretchy man, Cisco had quickly learned from his mistake of sharing the location of his previous secret candy drawer. Caitlin was now the only person with the privilege of its new location, despite Ralph’s best attempts of sleuthing it out.)

There’s a small quirk of his lips, but it’s gone in a nanosecond, and sbe can’t help but think of it as progress. “Uh, no. That’s been empty for a couple weeks now. I found this…” he snorts and avoids her eyes, ignoring the curious quirk of her eyebrow. “You probably don’t want to know where I found that, but it’s the only pack I could find and I want you to have it.”

“Cisco…”

“No just… let me talk for a second, please?” She nods gently and he takes it as a gesture to continue. “I know this could never even begin to make up for how I treated you in my lab earlier today, hell for the last few weeks even…” he takes a step closer, brushing the tip of his shoes against hers. “But, I…”

Caitlin stops him there, a gentle hand covering the clenched fist hanging limply by his side, immediately relaxing under her touch. Her cheeks flushed when she realises their private moment still had an audience.

Cisco follows her gaze and flips them off.

Iris’ eyes widen and she coughs loudly, instantly taking the hint, “I’m really in the mood for coffee right now,” she pats her husband on the chest, “let’s go, babe.”

Cisco rolls his eyes, twirling on his feet to face her once the three nosy intruders were out of sight.

“Cisco!”

“What? They were listening in on a private conversation!”

“Still, that was completely unne-”

“Look,” he cuts her off, holding a hand up, “I’m really sorry for how I’ve been acting lately, you deserve so much better than that-“

This time she cuts him off, “do not apologise for being in pain and don’t you dare even imply that I deserve better than you!”

The expression on his face is pure helpless and heart-breaking, a single tear drop staining the base of his cheek as he whimpered quietly. “But…”

“No!” The word comes out as a hiss and he flinches at the sharpness on her tongue.

Caitlin’s features soften, watching carefully as the strands of hair tucked messily behind his ears, fall into his face. “Cisco,” She starts, her voice a bare whisper, “what are these nightmares about? Are they about me? Dante, Circada-“ she pauses, tilting her head and raising an eyebrow, _“reverb?”_

Cisco screws his face up, nose twitching and teeth clenched tight, “Caitlin, I… I can’t. Not yet.”

Caitlin nods gently, whispering a quiet understanding. So she steps even closer to him, pushing a leg between his and tightly wrapping her arms over his shoulders. She leans forward, their foreheads touching and their noses inches apart. “Just remember that you are the most important in my life and losing you is never an option. Okay?”

Cisco nods and sighs gently, his breath warm as he presses a soft kiss to her lips. His fingers folding gently through the hair cascading down her back.

Caitlin whimpers when he pulls away, yearning for more of _him._ The tears dripping plenty down her cheeks.

“Hey,” Cisco whispers, wiping away the tears with his thumbs, “why are you crying?”

“Because I missed this so much.”

He nuzzles his nose against hers, releasing another small sigh, “me too.”

“Thank you for the candy.”

He laughs for the first time in five weeks and it’s _golden._

**_…_ **

It’s not until the end of the day that Iris seeks her out, leaning against the desk next to the one Caitlin was working on.

“You want to talk about what happened earlier?”

She sighs gently, “I would, but I don’t really understand it myself. Cisco-” she pauses momentarily, swaying in her chair. “Cisco’s just dealing with a lot right now.”

Iris hums softly and tilts her head to the side, “and what about you?”

“Me?” Caitlin wrinkles her nose, pouting her bottom lip. “I’m fine, I’m just worried about Cisco.”

“Look,” Iris starts, nudging Caitlin’s leg with her ankle. “It’s no secret that Cisco hasn’t been himself as of late, and I can’t help but notice how tense things have been between the both of you.”

“You’ve noticed?” Caitlin inquires, raising an eyebrow.

“Me, my dad, Ralph, and even Barry.”

She snorts, “even Barry, huh? It must be that obvious then.”

Iris smirks, “very obvious.”

“Our relationship is fine, I mean we had a _little_ argument this morning, but he apologised.” Caitlin clarifies, reaching over her keyboard to pick up the opened packet of twizzlers.

“And how many of these ‘little’ arguments have you had?”

“Over the last month? One or two,” Caitlin pauses, eyeing Iris’ raised eyebrow, “okay fine, nine, maybe ten or twelve. I lost track after the seventh one. But they’re just little arguments-”

“The big ones usually start off that way.”

“Look, Iris, I appreciate your concern. But Cisco and I are okay, we’re fine- great even.”

“Well that’s great then.”

Caitlin narrows her eyes, “don’t give me that look. We’re in a perfectly good and stable relationship. Like I said, Cisco’s just dealing with a lot right now. Besides I’ve been sleeping over at his condo for, like, the last couple of months or so.”

“What’s wrong with your apartment?”

“I like his place. I know mine is bigger but there’s too many memories there and sometimes it just feels so empty. Cisco’s just feels safer, like home.”

Iris smiles softly, “I get that.” She tucks a strand of hair behind her left ear, “not to be too intrusive but… when was the last time you guys _slept together?_ ”

“Uh…” Caitlin wrinkles her nose, “I just told you, I’ve been sleeping at his place for the last two-”

“No.” Iris cuts her off sharply, cheeks tinting a soft red. “When was the last time you had sex?”

Caitlin gaps, “sex. _Sex?_ ” She fumbles over her words, nearly knocking over the mug of stone cold coffee sitting inches away from her keyboard, with the back of her hand. “We’ve done that. I mean last night- well actually I fell asleep. There was this one time last week, or maybe two weeks ago? But I think Cisco fell asleep then too.” She sighs, “okay fine, it’s been awhile. However, neither of us have exactly been in the mood because of all the night terrors he’s been having-”

“Wait, hold it,” Iris holds the palm of her hand up, “night terrors? How long has he been having those?”

Caitlin shrugs, averting her eyes to pick at her chipped nail varnish. “About a month now.”

“Caitlin, that sounds serious and it sure as hell makes a lot of sense now.”

“Well I have absolutely no idea how serious they are because he _won’t talk to me!”_

Iris frowned, “he hasn’t told you what they’re about?”

Caitlin could feel the tears starting to well up in her eyes, “no. So all I can do is just sit and watch him as he suffers.” Her breath hitches in her throat, lifting her hand up to wipe away a stray tear with knuckles. “Iris, how am I supposed to help him if he won’t talk to me?”

Iris sighs, leaning forwards to rest a gentle hand on her shoulder. “Barry likes to do that too sometimes, when he’s hurting. He’ll shut down and keep me at a distance because he wants to protect me. So all I can do is just be there for him when he’s ready to talk.”

“That’s ridiculous, I don’t need protecting-”

“Trust me, I get it. But nonetheless Barry does it anyway, because he loves me. Once he told me I was like a lightning rod in all the darkness, and he wanted to separate me from that darkness.”

“And how did you deal with that?”

Iris shrugs, “patience. Lots and lots of patience.”

Caitlin nods, “well I’ve had a lot of that over the last month.”

“Y’know sometimes,” Iris begins, leaning in closer, “it doesn’t hurt to push little reminders that you love him and care for him no matter what. The small things are usually a really big thing.”

“Cisco knows that I love him.”

“I know, but like I said, it doesn’t hurt to push a little.”

Caitlin leans forward, eye widening with curiosity. “Like what, for example?”

Iris sticks her tongue out, her thoughts pondering. “Like sending him little love notes while he’s at work. Making him lunch or dinner,” she scrunches her nose in a fashion Caitlin finds oddly adorable, “or in my case, ordering from his favourite takeout places.  

“Cisco loves Indian.”

Iris smirked, “just something that’s oddly _him,_ and something you know he would appreciate.”

“That’s actually really thoughtful, Iris, thank you.”

Iris grins widely, leaning over to pat Caitlin gently on the shoulder, “anytime.” She rises from her seat on the counter. “If there’s anything else, and I mean anything else, I’m always here. Okay?”

Caitlin nods, a smile lingering on her lips. “Thank you, Iris.”

“Of course.”

Her eyes trace back to her desk and stop on the forgotten piece of plastic Cisco had given her earlier, a random thought popping into her head.

“Actually, Iris, there is this one more thing you could help me with.”

_**…** _

“Y’know, you’d think working in a lab with a bunch of metahumans with unique powers, fighting crime, tracking down evil metahumans, time travelling speedsters and the goddamn multiverse would be the weirdest aspects of my life. But somehow, this is by far the most bizarre thing anyone has ever asked me to do.”

Caitlin laughed, flicking the light switch on. “I really appreciate your help, Iris.”

“Anytime.” Iris carries the bags into the lab and sets them gently on one of the empty desks. “But are you sure he won’t be annoyed with us messing around his lab like this? I mean, he loves this room, it’s like his nerd cave.”

“As long as we don’t cause too much disturbance, I think he’d appreciate it. We both know how much he loves his-”

“Uh, Caitlin?” Caitlin turns from her rummaging through one of the cabinets, her eyes widening at the small box in Iris’ hand. “Why does Cisco keep condoms in here?”

“Uh…” Caitlin chokes on air, her face blushing a bright red. “There are other uses for condoms. Purely scientific reasons that we would have them here, like for holding chemicals and such-”

“But this is Cisco’s lab, last time I checked Cisco was an engineer-” Iris’ eyes widen, her hand dropping the box immediately back in the draw and slamming it closed. “Ew, you guys have sex in here? At Star Labs?”

“One or twice! Okay fine, more times than I could probably count!”

“Ew! We have a rule!” Iris pauses, holding up an accusing fingers. “You haven’t done it in the cortex have you? Not on the monitor that I sit at and put my hands….”

Caitlin doesn’t answer, averting her eyes back to the cabinet.

“Ew, Caitlin! Please tell me you disinfected the area?!”

“Of course, I’m not an animal!” She rolls her eyes at the loud grunt that came in response. “Besides, you’re telling me that you and Barry never got it on Star Labs?” She crossed her arms, “In the pipeline perhaps?”

Iris’ eye widened, lifting a finger to scratch her forehead, “you saw that?”

“Uh huh, security cameras are a bitch. In fact, it was just after that Cisco and I decided to break the no sex in Stars Labs rule, too.”

There’s a long awkward silence as both women continue to rummage through draws and cabinets.

“Never mention this again?” Iris’ voice pipes up, rather high pitched than normal.

“Deal!”

_**…** _

It takes exactly thirty eight more minutes for them to continue rummaging through Cisco’s lab, both of them collapsing on chairs as they finally finish.

“And we’re done! Thank God.” Iris groans, leaning her forehead uncomfortably  against one of the desks, her hair curtaining over her face.

“Thanks again, Iris, you are a lifesaver.”

Iris grunts something, the words muffled underneath her hair. Caitlin laughs, standing up to pick up the discarded plastic carrier bags from the floor and expertly throwing them in the nearby trash.

“Uh… what are you doing?”

Caitlin nearly jumps out of her skin, turning on her heel to find Cisco learning against the doorway. “Cisco!”

Iris mutters something else indistinguishable, and barely lifts her head from the desk.

Cisco crosses his arms against his chest, eyes narrowing in on Iris’ form lazily draped over the desk. “Hi, Caitlin, I’ve been looking everywhere for you to see if you wanted to go out for lunch. What are you doing in here?”

“Uh…” Caitlin chews on her bottom lip, knowing full that Cisco could always catch her out in a lie. She was a terrible liar. Not that she felt comfortably lying to him anyway, but this was for a justifiable cause. Cisco would thank her later, she was sure. “I was looking for you too, actually.”

“You were,” he walks closer to her, “cause I’ve been in the cortex this whole time.”

“Huh, weird. Must have missed you.”

Cisco nods, “must have.”

Caitlin wraps an arm around his shoulder and guides him out the door. “Come on, let’s go to Jitters, I’m really in the mood for coffee right now.”

“But what about Iris? She looks pretty dead in there.”

“Oh she’s fine, she’s just being lazy.”

_**…** _

“Your hot chocolate, m’lady.”

“Thank you,” Caitlin smiles, gratefully taking the hot mug Cisco offers her. Watching as he sits down next to her on the couch, wrapping the blanket she was cuddled in over his lap.

It had been another long day, seeking out a dangerous metahuman and locking him away in Iron heights. The team had decided to retire early for the night, and Cisco had suggested they snuggle up under in the blankets, dressed in the pyjamas and have a movie marathon. Caitlin was more than thrilled to oblige, slightly surprised by his enthusiastic attitude.

They hadn’t had a movie night in a long time.

“So before I start the movie,” Cisco begins, taking a long sip of his own hot chocolate. “The weirdest thing happened to me today.”

Caitlin squints her eyes, raising an eyebrow. “What?”

“Well, you see, I was packing up in my lab to finish for the day, ready to spend the evening with my gorgeous girlfriend. When I found something really peculiar in my trash can.”

She rubs her forehead, feeling confused, “your trash can?”

Cisco hums, eyeing her suspiciously. “Mhmm, there was like fifty packets of my favourite stashes of candy. Twizzlers, lollipops, gumdrops and gummy bears. You name it.”

Caitlin fabricates a loud gasp, “that’s very peculiar.”

“But that wasn’t even the weirdest thing,” Cisco points a finger at her, “ten minutes later, when I was looking for my keys, I noticed that every single drawer, cabinet, box and even that weird hole in the wall that Harry caused with one of his little temper tantrums was filled with said candy.”

Somehow Caitlin manages to hide away the small smirking crawling at the edge of her lips, “that’s so weird.”

“I’d say.” Cisco nods, still eyeing her suspiciously. “It’s even more weird that I found my _sweet_ girlfriend and my friend in there a few hours before it happened.”

“Coincidence, perhaps?” Caitlin offers, and takes a guilty sip of her drink.

Cisco reaches forward to gently take the mug from her hands and place it on the coffee table next to his. He scooches closer to her on the couch, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and crowing her space. “Or perhaps, my _sweet_ girlfriend, decided to be the best girlfriend in the entire multiverse, and fill my lab with all my favourite sugary sweets to help me feel better.”

This time Caitlin does smile, her heart beating heavily in her chest, his voice only a breath away from hers. Her eyes linger on his lips, a small smudge of chocolate at the corner of his mouth. She resisted the urge to lick it away.

“She sounds like a very thoughtful and amazing girlfriend.”

“She’s the best,” he whispers, softly leaning forward to rest a tender and gentle kiss against her lips.

Caitlin sighs into it, resting back comfortably against the arm of the sofa. He crawls over her, and slightly pulls back to leave one last lingering kiss.

“ _I love you._ ”

She nods, heart still thumping heavily in her chest. “ _I love you_ , and I know that it won’t make the nightmares go away, but-”

Cisco interrupts her with another gentle kiss, “I know. I’m sorry for pushing you away.”

“It’s okay. But I mean it, if you want to talk about them, I’ll always be here.”

“We will, we’ll talk. I promise. Just not tonight okay? I just want to be with you tonight. I know things haven’t exactly been good between us lately, and that’s all on me-”

“Not just you, I should have pushed more.” She lifts a finger and traces it along his cheek.

“Or maybe I should have let you in when they first started.” He muttered, smoothing a hand underneath her shirt and rubbing patterns into her soft skin.

“You weren’t ready Cisco, and that’s okay. You’re not the only person in this relationship that struggles to open up.”

“Tomorrow, we’ll definitely talk tomorrow.” He confirms, eyes determined. “But for right now, I just really want to kiss you.”

Caitlin nods, “we have a lot of making up to do and _a lot_ of lost kisses.”

“Oh absolutely.”

She giggles against his lips, sliding her arms tightly around his back. His kisses soft and gentle, taking his sweet time to drink her in.

A sudden thoughts pop into her head and she pushed him back by the shoulders, “that candy better take you at least eight to nine months to eat.”

He wiggles his nose down at her, “um, no.”

“Cisco!” She smacks his shoulder, “you’ll rot your teeth!”

“Then why did you buy me over fifty packets if you weren’t going to let me eat them all?”

“Please tell me you’re not serious-”

“Okay, we’ll finish this conversation in the morning!”

Caitlin barely has time to respond before he leans back down and captures her lips in a hungry kiss, his fingers trailing up higher underneath her shirt. She sighs gently, instantly getting lost in his touch.  

_ **…** _


End file.
